Tresor

The People

Even though it's not really politically correct, I'd like to give you a picture of who you'll meet when you go there cos I believe it's stupid if you're a bowler to go somewhere, believing you're gonna bowl, and then end up caddying for the golfers.

Thursday
You'll be in there with a slightly harried crowd. These are the dudes that go out all the time, and are really pushing it right thru till lunchtime, even when they're beat.

Friday
If you turn up between 0230 and 0300 you'll find a nice gentle mix of Germans, Russians, Czechs, Türks etc. It's not the biggest night, though, and if you don't like the sparse dance crowd you should really try another room. Why not try the cocktail bar? The Friday bar girl is really nice, so maybe go in there.

Saturday
Much better than Fridays. If you're a tourist and you just wanna go and mix it with the mojos, then Get Out There. You'll find loads of "fun" dancers, and you may even pick-up. Good mix of girls and boys.

Wednesday
But, if you're a really seriously happening dude, and you're prepared to deal with anything they throw at you to get to the top, then perhaps you ought to save your pennies and go check out Wednesdays. They are the nights that truly save Tresor from wanton commercialism, and usually have the best DJs. Here you'll rub shoulders with real Berliners (get out your box of doughnuts). Tresor is a club that is so big that it is not to be taken lightly, but it is so old and commercial that it is also not good to take it too seriously either. At first it can, like all nightclubs, be a little threatening. The biggest mistake I see people making when they enter clubs is to submit to the fear and suck onto their friends for support. You know the types - two in front, and one in back, or worse still - one in front, two in back, or even worse, everyone trying so hard not to make an impression that they all start bumping into eachother. If you walk into Tresor you must be aware that there is a very large amount of entrance space - that is, the front door room (with "gesichts Kontrolle"), the second kind of "get your shit together room" where all of the other rooms lead off from, and finally the dancefloor, and everyone can see you from the bar when you walk in there. Just hold your head high, keep your knees low, and hope that there is someone attractive enough to be impressing at the same time.

Tresor is a very large labyrinthine type place, and you'll surely find your niche in here if you check it out for a while.

Central Dancefloor

The air circulation here is really good. Like I said, there is a large amount of entrance space, and this gives a good draft so you won't be forced to dance at half mast cos you're slipping on everyone's sweat. DJs are sometimes doing dodgey mixes, but that's more on Fridays than anywhere else, and Tresor has a different DJ every night. The lighting in here is okay, and sometimes they have cool laser pictures of sunflowers etc. The music up here is usually kind of housey/disco/commercial. The Room of Happiness.

The Bar Astride the Central Dancefloor

This bar is kind of cool, and sells mainly only beer and basic spirits. Don't stand upwind of the soft drink dispenser because you'll never get served, and don't stand downwind because you'll never get served. In here I find it best to take my top off and stand on the softdrink dispenser because thát makes it a little easier for the bar staff to see me. There is also a PC in the corner with the Tresor chat site on line, but it can be somewhat challenging and gauche to cut in when you're speaking English. I did, and everyone except for the guy who was sitting next to me left, and, believe it or not, that was kind of cool. I started writing to him, and then he started writing back to me, and then we had some kind of eerily intimate chat session, and then one of the guys I originally came with got drunk and came over and said that I was ignoring him and said "So, you find a computer more interesting than me?" and left. Then one of the other guys I came with told me I was special, kissed me on the neck, and then when he asked me "Do you like that?" I said no, and he told me "You're dreams will never come true!" and left. All I'm trying to say is - if you're gonna chat be aware that you might get a bit of trouble.

The Cocktail Bar

If you go out of the central dancefloor and directly through past the toilet area, you'll find a nice little cocktail bar area. No pussy chill out music for these dudes, though. They play only fast trance. There are little tea candles everywhere, and the Friday girl is especially fastidious about them all being lit up. The ambience consists of nice orangey/yellow light on pink/peach walls, and cool little round tables where you can roll a cigarette or chat to the friendly queers.

Down Under

For the really hardcore tekno Guarana freaks you'll get everything you need down here. Something about cellars seems to really bring out the best in German people. The music is really fast, bordering on 4000 bpm, and the dancefloor is much better than the one upstairs. Here you will be able to dance like a motherfucker, but beware cos you might never get out of there alive. There is a bar there also, and a sceney couch area.

Garderobe

***BEWARE*** I notice that the same garderobe people are there full time, and I think that fact makes them cranky. They hate everyone who isn't there to photograph them and make them famous. The guy is an asshole and the girl is a total bitch (ie Q:"Do you find it annoying when I keep asking to get stuff out of my bag?" A:"Egal"(Idon't giveafuck) and bored look to her right). My advice is - have your two marks ready and either 1.Shower them with love and attention or 2.Give them your cash, take your ticket and Get Outta There.

Extra Tips

You never know when you might need a little something extra.

For Guys: Try to find some girls to bring with you, cos most of the girls are flanked by big boyfriends. I may be wrong though, because I also heard that Tresor is where you go when you can't afford one from Monbijou Platz.

For Girls: Just because he buys you a free drink doesn't mean you have to kiss him, but the only bad experience I had was with someone I accidentally brought.

Drinks

Caiparinhas are really okay here. If you think it's too sour (which mine was) just ask for more lime juice. The beers are EUR 3

Toilet Area

The Clo frau is a guy with wild red hair, and he's really ok. He sports a small table that has absolutely every emergency item you could ever need in a nightclub, including deoderant and tampons and oranges. I don't know whether he really does a good job of looking after the toilets though, as the floors are usually covered with water, and at times they run out of hand towelling. Just show your distaste by not giving him fifty pfennigs (if you don't like confrontation, act like you're on too many drugs).